The first weeks and months of early motherhood can be full of ups and downs. That's because you are going through
a major process of adjustment.
(1-4)There is so much going on during those first weeks and months of motherhood, most women feel at least somewhat overwhelmed and/or frustrated and/or sad.
Bad days (along with good days too) are a normal part of the process, part of the experience of early motherhood.
Here are few points about the adjustment experience you might find helpful to know.
- Most mothers adjust in phases.
The early adjustment phase is usually the toughest -- the part of the process where you're just trying to get a handle on things, trying to cope, trying to "figure things out.
During this stage of adjustment, many women talk about feeling like they are "in a fog," feel a lack of control, and have lots of emotional ups and downs.
The early adjusting phase often overlaps with something called the "postpartum blues" or "baby blues"
For most moms, moving from here to the "later adjusting" phase -- where you feel more in control of things and more like yourself again -- happens within the first few months of early motherhood.
Sometimes though, moms can have a really
tough time
-- they just can't seem to get out of this early phase. If you feel like you are not coping well, or feel like you "just can't handle things," you might want to
screen yourself for postpartum depression.
Click here to learn more about the phases of the adjustment process.
- The adjustment process has a number of different components.
These components are the main "tasks" that mothers need to accomplish during those early motherhood months.
Click here to learn more about the main components or tasks of the adjustment process.
- It can take a longer or shorter amount of time before you feel adjusted.
Even though the entire process takes about a year, the amount of time it takes any one mother to feel like herself again WILL vary from situation to situation. In general, the early adjusting phase takes anywhere from one to four or five months. Later adjusting also varies this much -- sometimes even more.
Click here to learn more about how long the adjustment process takes.
- There are six key resources that will help you adjust with less difficulty.
These resources are also important for helping to
prevent pospartum depression.
They are: prioritizing self-care, having enough help, "feeling connected" with others (being able to reach out and talk to others), having manageable situational stress, feeling emotionally prepared for the baby, and having realistic "core" expectations and beliefs.Some mothers have a tougher time than others with the adjustment process. Typically, having fewer adjustment resources means having a more difficult time adjusting.
Click here to read more about the relationship between resources and early motherhood adjustment experiences.
Learn more about PPD and its causes
I want to hear from you!
Click here to submit a story about your early motherhood experience
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If you are experiencing difficulty adjusting to new motherhood or are worried about child behavioral concerns,
contact Dr. O'Connor, a psychologist who works with children and their families.
She addresses learning problems and also the family and parenting problems that can contribute to emotional and behavioral problems in children.
Sources:1. Eagan, Andrea Borcoff. 1985. The Newborn Mother: Stages of her Growth. Boston: Little Brown & Company.
2. Knaak, S. 2008. The Process of Postpartum Adjustment. Unpublished dissertation. University of Alberta.
3. Richardson, Diane. 1993. Women, Motherhood, and Childrearing. NY: St. Martin’s Press.
4. Mercer, R.T. 1995. Becoming a Mother: Research on Maternal Identity from Rubin to the Present. NY: Springer Publishing Company.
5. Eyer, D. 1992. Mother-Infant Bonding: A Scientific Fiction. New Haven & London: Yale University Press.